Schwartz Takes Lead; Lavoie Disgrace Continues

Tim Lavoie's "Gold or Bust" campaign failed Tuesday as his Fightin' Ovechkins completely struck out. While the snowboarding loss was the worst, let's not forget that every other event was a Lavoie loss as well. The beleagured Fightin' Ovechkins' record dropped to 3 golds, 18 busts as they fell to sixth place. Little help appears to be forthcoming from their Russian women's hockey team, which lost 13-0 to the USA. For the Ovechkins, it was the fantasy equivalent of this play.
Meanwhile on the luge course, Brian Schwartz's Nordique Combined picked up a huge 20.9 points in the women's competition. German Tatjana Huefner took the gold and Natalie Geisenberger won bronze. With only one event left, Nordique Combined has a chance to sweep the golds in the sport. Schwartz's team vaulted into first as John Binz's Da Nang Dynamos dropped to second.

Joy Sadaly's Olympic Ring Worm Wood Stock Market District Attorney squad continued its rise from ignominy, getting a 16.7 point gold medal from Canada's Maelle Ricker in the Women's Snowboard Cross. Her team is now seventh. That's one spot ahead of the vaunted Banker's Club, although admittedly Banker's Club was never vaunted by anyone but its own manager Zach Chromiak.

Brittany B.'s Buck-Toothed Rabbit Bitches took a speed skating gold with South Korean Sang-Hwa Lee's surprise gold medal in the women's 500. B continued her incredible record of picking upsets, and the Bitches are the most consistent team with medals in eight sports.

Adam Claus's Ice Lugers took a gold in biathlon thanks to blog favorite Magdalena Neuner, who won the 10k Pursuit as expected. This could be my last chance to legitimately post her picture, which might not be that bad. This is a pro-feminist blog, and there's a surprising lack of hot pictures of Magdalena Neuner that don't objectify women.

Finally, let no one forget that Dave Spence's Paragons took their first gold medal in biathlon's Men's 12.5k Pursuit. The Swede Bjorn Ferry took the gold with 16.5 seconds to spare. Unfortunately the success ruined Spence's "One Bronze Per Day" plan, but he's still in last.

STANDINGS THROUGH TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 16

1. Brian Schwartz, Nordique Combined
77.9 PointsLuge 45.9 (2G, 1S, 1B)
Freestyle Skiing 18.7 (1G, 2B)
Cross Country Skiing 8.3 (1G)
Biathlon 5 (1S)

2. John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
73.9 PointsFigure Skating 37.5 (1G, 1S)
Short Track Speed Skating 12.5 (1G)
Freestyle Skiing 6.3 (1S)
Biathlon 5 (1S)
Alpine Skiing 4.2 (1S)
Speed Skating 8.4 (2S)

3. Brittany B., Buck-Toothed Rabbit Bitches
64 PointsSpeed Skating 12.5 (1G, 1S)
Biathlon 15 (1G, 1S)
Short Track Speed Skating 9.4 (1S, 1B)
Nordic Combined 8.3 (1S)
Speed Skating 8.3 (1G)
Figure Skating 6.3 (1B)
Ski Jumping 4.2 (1B)

4. Adam Claus, Ice Lugers
48.4 PointsFreestyle Skiing 18.8 (1G, 1S)
Biathlon 15 (1G, 1S)
Snowboarding 12.5 (1S, 1B)
Speed Skating 2.1 (1B)

5. Ellis Kunka, Cornballers
47.9 PointsNordic Combined 16.7 (1G)
Luge 8.3 (1S)
Ski Jumping 8.3 (1S)
Speed Skating 8.3 (1G)
Cross Country Skiing 4.2 (1S)
Alpine Skiing 2.1 (1B)

6. Tim Lavoie, Fightin' Ovechkins
41.7 PointsSki Jumping 16.7 (1G)
Snowboarding 16.7 (1G)
Speed Skating 8.3 (1G)

7. Joy Sadaly, Olympic Ring Worm Wood Stock Market District Attorney
35.4 PointsSnowboarding 16.7 (1G)
Alpine Skiing 8.3 (1G)
Snowboarding 8.3 (1G)
Speed Skating 2.1 (1B)

8. Zach Chromiak, Banker's Club
23.8 PointsBiathlon 17.5 (1G, 3B)
Luge 4.2 (1B)
Cross Country Skiing 2.1 (1B)

9. Dave Spence, Paragons
22.6 PointsBiathlon 10 (1G)
Cross Country Skiing 6.3 (1S, 1B)
Snowboarding 4.2 (1B)
Speed Skating 2.1 (1B)