Kunka Moves Into First

You can question his tactics, but you can't argue with the results. Ellis Kunka, the Barry Bonds of the Fantasy Winter Olympics, made a huge charge Wednesday to vault his Cornballers from fifth place all the way to top of the standings.

Kunka's USA Alpine Skiing team took both the gold and silver in the women's downhill. Lindsey Vonn won gold as expected, and Julia Mancuso took the silver in a surprise.

Rumors that Ellis Kunka skipped Evidence to help train the USA skiers were confirmed when his Whistler security credentials fell out of his book during Legislation class at 5:22 today. But the ever-stalwart Cornballers skipper is seemingly immune to the controversy surrounding his guerilla management techniques.
In an incredible upset, Kunka's Cornballers also picked up a 16.7 point gold medal with Austria doubles luge. Nordique Combined manager Brian Schwartz was counting on a gold and silver from his German lugers and settled for bronze. Dave Spence's Paragons picked up the silver with their 14th round pick, Latvian luge, which proved to be one of the few decent picks Spence made all draft. Completing Kunka's comeback was Chinese short track skater Yang Zhou, who took gold in the 500 as expected.

Paragons won a silver with Canada short track, but failed to take the snowboarding half pipe medal Dave Spence needed to move out of last place. Iouri Podladtchikov of Switzerland fell on his final run and finished fourth.

"Next time, I'm not picking any sports where you can fall in my top three," said a defeated Spence, who predicted a ninth place finish for his team. The beneficiaries were Tim Lavoie's Fightin' Ovechkins, who returned to respectability with 20.9 points as USA Snowboarding took gold and bronze in the half pipe.

The Banker's Club finally got something going, at least enough to get manager Zach Chromiak's hopes up a little bit before they're dashed this weekend. Chromiak's squad got golds from Norway cross country skiing and USA speed skating.

John Binz's Da Nang Dynamos stayed in second thanks to an unexpected gold-silver finish from Russian cross country skiing. Schwartz's disappointment, along with a shutout in cross country skiing, dropped Nordique Combined into third.

STANDINGS THROUGH WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16

1. Ellis Kunka, Cornballers
89.6 PointsLuge 25 (1G, 1S)
Nordic Combined 16.7 (1G)
Alpine Skiing 14.6 (1G, 1S, 1B)
Short Track Speed Skating 12.5 (1G)
Ski Jumping 8.3 (1S)
Speed Skating 8.3 (1G)
Cross Country Skiing 4.2 (1S)

2. John Binz, Da Nang Dynamos
86.4 PointsFigure Skating 37.5 (1G, 1S)
Cross Country Skiing 12.5 (1G, 1S)
Short Track Speed Skating 12.5 (1G)
Freestyle Skiing 6.3 (1S)
Biathlon 5 (1S)
Alpine Skiing 4.2 (1S)
Speed Skating 8.4 (2S)

3. Brian Schwartz, Nordique Combined
82.1 PointsLuge 50.1 (2G, 1S, 2B)
Freestyle Skiing 18.7 (1G, 2B)
Cross Country Skiing 8.3 (1G)
Biathlon 5 (1S)

4. Brittany B., Buck-Toothed Rabbit Bitches
70.3 PointsSpeed Skating 12.5 (1G, 1S)
Biathlon 15 (1G, 1S)
Short Track Speed Skating 9.4 (1S, 1B)
Nordic Combined 8.3 (1S)
Speed Skating 8.3 (1G)
Figure Skating 6.3 (1B)
Cross Country Skiing 4.2 (1S)
Ski Jumping 4.2 (1B)
Speed Skating 4.2 (1S)
Alpine Skiing 2.1 (1B)

5. Tim Lavoie, Fightin' Ovechkins
62.6 PointsSnowboarding 37.6 (2G, 1B)
Ski Jumping 16.7 (1G)
Speed Skating 8.3 (1G)

6. Adam Claus, Ice Lugers
48.4 PointsFreestyle Skiing 18.8 (1G, 1S)
Biathlon 15 (1G, 1S)
Snowboarding 12.5 (1S, 1B)
Speed Skating 2.1 (1B)

7. Zach Chromiak, Banker's Club
47.7 PointsBiathlon 17.5 (1G, 3B)
Cross Country Skiing 10.5 (1G, 2B)
Speed Skating 10.4 (1G, 1B)
Luge 4.2 (1B)
Short Track Speed Skating 3.1 (1B)

8. Joy Sadaly, Olympic Ring Worm Wood Stock Market District Attorney
35.4 PointsSnowboarding 16.7 (1G)
Alpine Skiing 8.3 (1G)
Snowboarding 8.3 (1G)
Speed Skating 2.1 (1B)

9. Dave Spence, Paragons
35.1 PointsBiathlon 10 (1G)
Luge 8.3 (1S)
Cross Country Skiing 6.3 (1S, 1B)
Short Track Speed Skating 6.3 (1S)
Snowboarding 4.2 (1B)
Speed Skating 2.1 (1B)