Ellis Kunka Inconsolable After Vonn Injury

With the possible exception of Lindsey Vonn, no person in America is as affected by the Lindsey Vonn injury as one Ellis Kunka.

Expecting Vonn - a competitor in five events - to win multiple gold medals, Mr. Kunka picked USA Alpine Skiing with his second round pick in the Fantasy Winter Olympics draft. Now, the Cornballers under his shaky leadership are in danger of dropping out of contention before the Games even begin.

"Lindsay Vonn is killing me now," Mr. Kunka said today. "That was my only hope for USA Alpine Skiing."

"I literally got heartbroken as soon as I heard."

Mr. Kunka presumably has experienced trouble sleeping, hair loss, and general anxiety. Even if Vonn competes, she could be slowed by injuries and fail to medal. The Cornballers' only hope now is either a miraculous recovery or to compensate with an even more incredible than normal performance by the Chinese short track speed skating team.

Of course Brittany B.'s Austrian Alpine squad, her first round pick, is looking better than ever with the Vonn injury. Presumably any points lost by the USA due to Vonn's incapacity would go to Austria.