Binz's Last Stand Tonight In Short Track

Da Nang Dynamos, a top three team throughout the Games, needs an amazing night from Korea short track speed skating to come back to relevance. Dynamos manager John Binz has tried to seem nonchalant, eating pizza and watching hockey this afternoon. But the pressure is clearly getting to him, as he has made reference to working on a memo instead of watching the Olympics.

There are three short track events tonight, with each gold worth 12.5 points. The Dynamos need all three golds and probably a couple other medals as well.

Psragons (Dave Spence) need these medals just as much. They have played terribly and trail by 90 points, but a big night from Canada speed skating could get them close enough to win with a 50 point men's hickey gold. But ominously, the league leading Cornballers have a chance to spoil everything with their China short track team favored in the women's 1000.

The men's 5000 meter relay is the most likely gold for Da Nang Dynamos. Korea's relay team qualified first and won gold at the 2006 Olympics and the 2007 and 2008 World Championships. Canada qualified second and is the only team with much of a chance to beat them. China and the USA (Brittany B./Buck-Toothed Rabbit Bitches) should battle for the bronze. France (undrafted) is also in the final but won't win unless all four other teams fall or get disqualified.

The Men's 500 should split its medals between Canada and China. Canadians Charles Hamelin and Francois-Louis Tremblay are my picks for gold and silver. South Koreans Ho-Suk Lee and Si-Bak Sung should be in the final too and also could win it, though I'm just picking Lee for bronze. American Apolo Ohno will be in the mix too and will take full advantage if any of the favorites make a mistake. Ohno, surprisingly, leads all Olympic athletes of any gender in topless Google Image Search results.
The Women's 1000 is the event that I think will end the hopes of the Dynamos and Paragons. Wang Meng of China is my pick to take what would be a huge gold for the league leading Cornballers. Another Chinese skater, Zhao Yang, is my pick for silver. Ha-Ri Cho and Park Seung-Hi are good skaters for Korea, but I think the USA's Katherine Reutter, my pick for bronze, is the only other skater in the same league as the Chinese.